Welcome Kiddies.


As you all know, I have been kind of quiet for the past few days. I've been having family trouble if you know what I mean. Here's the deal:

Many of you know that I am wanting to go to the Angels & Airwaves concert in August, and how much I will do to get there. I'm saving up money, and I've even had to reduce to changing who I am.... and it sucks.
I wouldn't mind dressing like my parent's Barbie if I knew for sure that I was going, but I don't. But the worst thing is, my parent's only think I am pretty if I dress "Cute" or whatever. If I come out of my room in all my black attire, they tell me how they /wish/ I was pretty for once. Do you know how bad that hurts me? How much it makes me want to cry? Well, last night I did cry. Why?
First of all, I had no clue if Nick was safe or not.
and the second thing is, why do my parent's care about what people think so much?

I have spent most of my life being fake for them. I have always pretended to be happy for them, I've never complained when I had to wear a dress to one of my Dad's stuck up country club shit... I've never wore all my eyeliner when I'm at the Family Picnic for my dad's work... I've always put on that lovely fake smile, and acted like I was a Snob my whole life... I turn perfect for them...

It's sad to think that everyday of my life, my parent's think I'm ugly. How the hell is that supposed to help me in life? I mean, honestly, that's supposed to make me a better person? That I grew up with unsupportive parent's who said they cared but never really gave a shit. Seriously, I mean, come on. Then they go and blame it all on me. I tell them how I feel and all they say is, " Yea, we're such bad parents... it's all our fault... we just raised you and loved you..did everything for you... and now you hate us... "
..... why must they do that?

They have always told me, that they would love and support me no matter what my choices are in life, yet they make these sick jokes about who I am. Ya know, they're alot of things that I don't like about my family, but I don't go around picking them out. If they really cared, they wouldn't be trying to change me into they're stupid Barbie Doll. They even make fun of me when I'm dressed all "Cute". .... This isn't fair. Why should I have to deal with there bitching?
I hate it.
I hate living here.

Money:$21
Goal: $300