Hey guys,

I've been gone for quite a while.. and I'm sooooo sorry for it.
I only check this maybe, once every 4 weeks.. so if you must contact me:

email: xx_emo_chick_xx@hotmail.com
Vampirefreaks: [link]
Myspace: [link]

Welcome Kiddies.


As you all know, I have been kind of quiet for the past few days. I've been having family trouble if you know what I mean. Here's the deal:

Many of you know that I am wanting to go to the Angels & Airwaves concert in August, and how much I will do to get there. I'm saving up money, and I've even had to reduce to changing who I am.... and it sucks.
I wouldn't mind dressing like my parent's Barbie if I knew for sure that I was going, but I don't. But the worst thing is, my parent's only think I am pretty if I dress "Cute" or whatever. If I come out of my room in all my black attire, they tell me how they /wish/ I was pretty for once. Do you know how bad that hurts me? How much it makes me want to cry? Well, last night I did cry. Why?
First of all, I had no clue if Nick was safe or not.
and the second thing is, why do my parent's care about what people think so much?

I have spent most of my life being fake for them. I have always pretended to be happy for them, I've never complained when I had to wear a dress to one of my Dad's stuck up country club shit... I've never wore all my eyeliner when I'm at the Family Picnic for my dad's work... I've always put on that lovely fake smile, and acted like I was a Snob my whole life... I turn perfect for them...

It's sad to think that everyday of my life, my parent's think I'm ugly. How the hell is that supposed to help me in life? I mean, honestly, that's supposed to make me a better person? That I grew up with unsupportive parent's who said they cared but never really gave a shit. Seriously, I mean, come on. Then they go and blame it all on me. I tell them how I feel and all they say is, " Yea, we're such bad parents... it's all our fault... we just raised you and loved you..did everything for you... and now you hate us... "
..... why must they do that?

They have always told me, that they would love and support me no matter what my choices are in life, yet they make these sick jokes about who I am. Ya know, they're alot of things that I don't like about my family, but I don't go around picking them out. If they really cared, they wouldn't be trying to change me into they're stupid Barbie Doll. They even make fun of me when I'm dressed all "Cute". .... This isn't fair. Why should I have to deal with there bitching?
I hate it.
I hate living here.

Money:$21
Goal: $300

Welcome Kiddies!♥

Alright, so major break through last night, guys. :]
As you all should know, I have had a horrible past, with all the ups and downs you could ever imagine. But, I have finally realized that I need to just, GET OVER IT and with Nick's help, I will try to have to best life possible. :]

I would also like to apologize for that.. lovely last journal entry. I was kinda, having one of those moments, ya know? And I am really really sorry for that. Thanks for making me better though, everybody :]

So, I don't have that much to say, except for this.. :

99 MORE DAYS!!!!

99 more days until what, Hannah?

Well, my lovely people of DA...

99 More days until Nick and I are finally together.
99 more days until the lovely AVA concert...
and 99 more days until I get my ass kicked for meeting someone off the internet :]
Oh... but how much that ass kicking is worth it.

Money:$18
Goal:$300

My parents think that the concert is way to far away (only 600 miles... )
... but I'd be more than willing to pay for everything...=\
So, yea. BUT I'M GETTING THERE NO MATTER WHAT.

-Rawrii

♥♥♥♥

P.S.
The lastest Pictures (Rave Series) are dedicated to Nick's sister, Kyre, because she's a raver at heart, and plus, she was one of the first things I thought of when I took them :]

Welcome Kiddies.

I am quite sad, so I decided to write a lil entry.. it may become a rant at some point, who knows, who honestly cares?

First thing, Gary is gone. Yay.
Second thing, I spent all day working my ass off for money to go to this fucking concert.
and the thrid thing, I swear to god if my dad comes home and starts yelling at me again, I will loose my god damn MIND.

I put up with Gary all fucking weekend, let him call me names, cuss me out... make me do shit for him..
I don't say a word about it the whole time.
I let my parents sleep in MY bed.
I change my sleeping habits so they can be happy.
I do everything.

But you know what? I get nothing.
No thanks..
NOTHING.
But what I DO get is a pissed off father who tells me I'm addicted to the internet, and a mother who won't stick up for me.
...
Do they honestly not understand what all I've been through?
I mean, I know that everything is all MY damn fault, or so thats what I've been told every damn day of my life...
but do they honestly think that putting me on some lame ass pills or something is gonna make the past go away?
Just, make it disappear and never come back?
Well you know what?
IT DOES.
Everything fucking reminds me of what I've been through, yet I always out on a happy face, and big smile, and put up with everyones shit.
But when the Emo Kid from Tennessee has ONE PROBLEM..
I get yelled at.

I fucking woke up this morning, went outside, loaded big ass logs into the lawn mower cart, drove them down to the bottom of the yard, and hauled them BACK out of the cart.. and piled them up.
Then I came inside, washed dishes, cleaned everything.. cleaned windows...then studied for my drivers test.
Didn't even take a break to eat something.
and i get NO THANKS.
For anything.
In the mean time, my dad will complain about how I could have done SO MUCH MORE...
I could have cleaned his office for him..
or washed his clothes..
or SOMETHING STUPID...
But no, I just cleaned the whole damn house...
and listen as my mom crushes my dreams...
How I'll never get a guy..
because I'm just a scarred up slut.
Yea.
YEA...
I have scars. BIG FUCKING DEAL.
And she has no right to call me a slut.
Was it MY FAULT I was almost raped by an old best friends brother?
No.
It was not my fault.
It never was.


Why is everything my fault?
Who gives people the right to fucking TELL ME HOW I FEEL.
How I should do things..
Why do they think that they know if I'm hungry, or if I'm not in "love".
THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
They don't know ANYTHING.
My sister has no right to tell me that I don't know how hard life is.
Yea, everything I went through was just HEAVEN now wasn't it?
Yea, well, if life was so damn easy for me, then why the hell did I turn out like I did?
......

Ya know what else pisses me off?
All this, "Don't Label Me" Shit.
EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING LABEL.
Your a guy?
Males a label.
Female?
Label.
Sick?
Label.
Happy?
Label.
Sad?
Label.
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Ya know what?
I want a barcode tattooed on my wrist.
I really, honestly do.
I have an OBSESSION with barcodes.
Yes, no one fucking knows that, now do they?

GOD WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE.
............

Maybe I should just take my pills like a good little girl and shut up.
God knows I'm not worth shit.

Arg, Goodbye for now.

-Rawrii

Welcome Kiddies♥

Sorry for not writing yesterday. I've been entertaining Gary.
- For those of you that don't know who this "Gary" is:

My father used to be a truck driver, and one day when he was on the road, he parked next to another truck at a truck stop. Low and behold, Ze wonderful Gary! *sarcasm* Just for a mental image, imagine a short man, with a beer belly, dark brown hair, mustache, and a really really annoying laugh. Anywho, he and his wife are getting a divorce, so he moved in with us....
About once every month or two, he stays with us, and takes total advantage of it. He's rude, obnoxious, and just plain mean. For instance: Mom made dinner tonight. He was in that kitchen for over 2 HOURS making what Gary wanted for supper, and you know what he did? He complained. "The chickens not done right. Why's it taking so long?" Yada Yada... and you know whats worse? He didn't even say thank you. Not a single thanks for anything. Just a stupid laugh, and he's off again to make fun of me, or whatever. He thinks he is a 'guest' or whatever, but if everything you own is in my house, then you're not a guest.
Also, he apparently has something against emo kids. Who flippen knows with him. He had the balls to come up to me and call me spike. -_-
Yes, I realize my hair is a tad bit spikey, but I mean, come on.. I don't call you short lil fat man do I?

Anywho, tomorrow Gary wishes to take the boat out to the river... so he can drive it really fast and murder us all, maybe? Who knows. All I do know is, I am not getting in my bikini in front of him. Why? Because I do not need a 50-something year old man staring at my boobs. I mean, come on. If I was gonna have an older man stare at me half naked, don't you think I'd pick someone else?

I am also considering taking my drivers test in the next week or two.
I'm totally freaked out, I mean, could you imagine ME on the road? Seriously people, throw me a freakin` bone here..
Arg, I hope I don't flippen screw this shit up.
...that would totally be my luck.

OH OH! ALSO!!!
♥103 days untill Nick and I's first date♥
I'm trying to get to go to the Angels & Airwaves concert in WI...
I mean, I am saving my money, willing to drive, pay for gas, tickets, and even pay my parents to take me! I mean, I realllllly realllllllly wanna go. More than anything...
To finally be with my one true love, Nick.♥♥
♥

Arg, and I have SO much more to write, but I'm afraid that my parent's and Gary want to watch Beowulf.
OH HOW EPIC
-__________-

Arg. Anywho, Love you all!♥♥♥

- Rawrii